somenonsensewritings x)

ya emang harusnya gitu, mau diapain lagi? kalo emang menuju ke arah yang lebih baik, kenapa harus dihalangi?

Well I really wanna make it a long and detailed post like the first part, but huhm boredom strikes back and I feel kinda lazy to write it actually…but in the first part I already put that ‘promise’ of making the 2nd part, so well yeah, I can just post this and wait. xP

KNOCK OUT ROUNDS

Monday, 21st April 2008

Octofinal - vs SMAK Tarakanita Jakarta A

Brown side (us) versus Green Side (them) (that’s what I said in my reply speech : “so the winning should be given to the brown side, and not the green side. Thank you”), girls versus girls and it was a relatively standard debate I think. They questioned our definition upon the motion THBT Gov Should Disclose The Names of Products with Compromised Quality. We defined “compromised quality” as products that have been proven that they contain dangerous substances, and they said it must had been “products that haven’t been proven that they are dangerous”. HEH??? And I read in one of a participant’s friendster profile that a member of TarKi said they lost because of SMA 3’s lame definition. Hmmmm. Let’s take it as a form of her freedom of speech, shall we? Haha. The most important thing is we launched to the quarterfinal with a pretty good margin (I actually forget the number, precisely).

Quarterfinal - vs SMAN 3 BANDUNG B!!!!!!!!

Bah. Again and again this ‘curse’ happened. I dunno, SMA 3 has a tendency to meet their own brothers and sisters in one of the knock-out rounds. Take a look at some of it : Aloy 2007 (Quarterfinal, my team lost); AECS UPI 2007 (Octofinal, my team lost again); Aloy 2008 (Quarterfinal, my team won); ALSA UI 2008 (my team……won or lost? haven’t been to the end of the story yet. heheh).

So it was an impromptu motion. I forget the motion…hmmm…THBT Journalist Can be Forced To Reveal Their Sources for Law Enforcement Purposes, am I wrong? Yah it was about journalist-something, and luckily me and my team watched Varsity Debate on Sunday. Although we just watched a half of the debate between ITB B and BINUS, we still remembered some of the arguments and it really helped in our casebuilding time. So there we were, as the affirmative team brought the definition of law enforcement purposes as investigation in corruption cases, and that the journalists are not forced to reveal their sources OPENLY in media, but just in front of interrogators, so that the interrogators can be sure that the news about corruption cases are actually true. Well I admit that it wasn’t a very good definition but we thought it was reasonable enough to be debated, and suddenly…….

Our dear little bunny Afifa Ayu came up nervously and said “so we as the negative team want to challenge their truistic definition”. WHOA? My first definitional challenge debate ever! Hahah, I thought “this is gonna be fun!”. But then again, something weird happened. They did challenge us, but Afifa didn’t state clearly what their new definition was (even if I didnt hear it, but the adjudicators also didn’t, they said in their adjudication). Their definition was clear enough in Gichie, but he was the third speaker negative. And personally I think they did clash with us…I mean it was like a normal debate with accepted definition, so I was actually a bit confused, was it a definitional challenge debate or not?

Huhm…the adjudicators took a VERY LONG TIME to decide the winner. Even when people had gone to debaters’ hall we hadn’t had our adjudication. After a long time waiting, they gave us a pretty clear assessment but then again it was hard to guess the winner because the adjs gave a “hidden-meaning” in their adjudication (oh, marini and ega were glad because that good looking adj in our first prelim was adjudicating).

So again and again, in Balai Sidang. and sim salabim abrakadabraaaaaaaaaa……….

SMAN 3 BANDUNG A EVENTUALLY WON THE DEBATE!!!!!!!!!!! HOORAY!
So now that curse turns good for us. It was a tie 2-2 now! ^_^ (Both competitions in 2007 were for Afifa’s team and both 2008 competitions for me and ega’s team. huehe).

Tuesday, 22nd April, 2008

Here we were…as a semifinalist getting near to our dream of being a champion…
The debate was held in a room named…I forget…a room beside S.J. Latifa or something…it was totally cold in that room. So the semifinalists were Bandung (us), Jakarta, Tangerang, and Balikpapan.

Bandung vs Tangerang, Jakarta vs Balikpapan. Canisius told us to beat Tangerang because of the loss of SMAK 1 BPK Jakarta (Bobbi said : Egaaa…Marshaaaa…Mariniii…kata Ignes “bob, balesin dendam gw ke tangerang”).

Nah, this was a flaw in the plan (heh?). The heading was about International Issues and huhm, the chosen motion was THBT Every Country Should Have The Same Rights To Build Nuclear Weapons. HA HA HA, funny thing how me and Ega did see it as “right to build nuclear facility” and we put that motion in our first consideration during the Motion Preference. Little fools (we over-synchronized ourselves that time, buddy. heheh).

So after we sat in our “usual-holy-position” (hheh you won’t understand this! ask me for further explanation) suddenly we realized that it was nuclear weapons actually. That explains why the tangerang team was a bit confused we put that motion as our first consideration (we were government again).

But nasi telah menjadi bubur, we tried to dig up our minds and I congratulate my team for making pretty fine arguments. Little did we know about Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty that Pandu told us after the debate, otherwise the debate would change.

Well personally I did think we could win that time. Not to undermine tangerang of course, they played well too and it didn’t hurt us that much, yah…a lil disappointment but well, we had been trained to be strong, by those “mental-practice” we received in ITB…and we also had been trained (by ourselves and SEF pepol) not to blame adjudicators…blame ourselves, that’s the right thing to do. Heheh. Don’t debate me on saying “that’s the right thing to do” ya. For this case it was ourselves that should be blamed. Well I just regret that our balance-of-power concept were not elaborated well (thanks to Ega for popping this idea out in the middle of the debate), but it was a tight debate, split 3 to 2, the chair adj and the native-speaker adj gave the winning to us so it wasn’t a crap.

Yeah…that was the end of our looooonnnnggggg journey. It all began from a little dream of a little girl in a big big world…it’s funny how life works…

FINAL ROUND

CANISIUS A vs SMAN 1 TANGERANG A
Bobbi, Stef, William vs Fahmi, Yoyo, Ghea

Na na na na na. Huhu. ITB has lost the last day in Octofinal (for further mocking and additional curses upon this please directly contact one of SEF ITB people. heheheh) and now we sat in the spectators’ seat wondering how would it be if we were on the stage. halaaa.

*to be continued.

7 DAYS OF MIRACLES

It all began with a dream of a girl with no hope of reaching her dream. 2007 was a year full of complicated things, where I transferred myself to a more rebel one coz frankly I was really tired with my monotonistic life. When debate came to my aid and changed my life, ALSA UI was one of a thousand dreams of mine. I couldn’t go there coz I was a real beginner and I didn’t have enough confidence to begin with.
Thanks to my masters at ITB, little by little I started to gain confidence and started to have a better goal in competitions. I used to have a goal of “just break to the next round” , but since I had practices with them (since November 2007) I had my spirit burning inside my heart and found myself a more skilled debater (although, still, I’m not really good).
At the top of all my dreams, this national competition, ALSA UI. I obviously couldn’t participate in ISDC (that chance had been grabbed unfairly from me), so this is just my last hope of joining a national competition.

At first, my honourable coach, Mr. Uphie, defined the first team as Me, Ega, and Gichie because we passed the InterComp. After several “magical spells” (not to mention being spoiled kids), me and Ega managed to change it into a more comfortable x) one : Me, Marini, and Ega. Yeah! Luv my teammates so much! We’re so synchronized each other folks!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008
17.00 – Went to Jakarta by Xtrans (is it important?)
Really sorry for the other passengers, but well we three were so noisy..talking about boys and love and friends and first world countries and Beijing Olympic and ASEAN Charter…almost everything, and suddenly arrived in Jakarta (about 20.00) and slept in one of Ega’s cousin’s house.

We also talked about debate matter and I adjudicated a debate between Ega and Marini about Teacher Certification Scheme. (don’t forget…we were also gossipping…yeah! Long live gossip! Haha. THBT Gossip is one of the most important part of a debater, I’m pro).

Thursday, April 17, 2008
I thought it was the day of technical meeting. But well, it was just intended for opening ceremony. Hwaaa…I had just realized how big this competition was. Not too narsisstic when the committee claims that ALSA UI is the biggest English competition in Indonesia. It is.

Met with our LO, Agan. He was ex-student of SMA 3 and really cooperative, altho I don’t know whom he was when he was still being SMA 3 student.

The opening ceremony, held in Balai Sidang, was actually great. But well, just for footnote, there were too many unneeded speeches in the opening ceremony. Hey, what’s the point of telling the audiences that you’re married for the 2nd time at the present? xP

The opening ceremony ended at…before noon I think. Me, Ega, Marini, and the other SMA 3 team (Afifa, Aria, Gichie) plus St. Angela Team (William, Agus, Debora) wanted to have a sparring at first. But when we ended up at Wisma Makara and lied on comfortable beds and spoiled by air conditioner, that incentive changed T_T. Rather than spar each other, we took photos (being narsisstic…again and again…this sickness x) , exchanged gossip (again and agaaaaiiiinnn), watched TV… I had a small talk about blog and law enforcement with Aria and Agus but after that no serious talk happened again. (I was “distracted” by SMSes from my crush, though xP).

Went back ‘home’ at 13.00. Brainstorm with Ega and Marini (filled with some unimportant talks at YM) and ended our day with a hope and pray that we’d be at our best the next day.

Friday, April 18, 2008
The first day of competition! Yeah!! Gathered at Auditorium Djokosoetomo. Almost every seat was fulfilled. Lil’ lil’ girl in a big big world. Felt a feeling that you only feel when you start your first day of debating.

First opponent, Santa Ursula Jakarta. Several gossip came to our ears that they were really good and Canisius spars with them. But we tried to ease that fear (in my mind was : those who are good is the level of Uphie and Masyhur. Wahahaha. It was effective, though).

It was a flip-stance debate, but we tried to stick to our real stance. Almost no clash, we were afraid that we were gonna lose,,coz we were on the negative side whose job is to clash with the affirmative. But then again….

WON! Split decision 2 to 1. First adjudicator (adj) gave the winning to them (margin 1). The chair adj gave it to us (margin 1). The 3rd adj…margin 7.5 to us! Hahaha…thank God. (btw, Ega and Marini said that the chair adj was good-looking…but I didn’t think he was, at least at first. He seemed more attractive at the last day for me ^_^).

That was the only debate for the first day. SMA 3 B won too. Watched Varsity debate between ITB B (Elfa, Tyson, Pandu) and UNILA. My alliances, ITB, won xP

Went back home with a glimmer of hope.

Saturday, April 19, 2008
2nd day of debating.
SUCKS. Haaah. 2 rounds. Both lost.
2nd in tabulation, had to face Canisius A. Altho we were the government side and the motion was THW Limit Professional Work Force Migrating From Developing Countries, we lost. Aaaarrrggghhh. I’ve long wanted to beat Canisius since my first loss in ALSA UNPAD! Huhuuu. But well, I have to say that every debate with Canisius Team is always fun. ^_^
Boby, Stef, William! Someday you’ll feel my revenge. Haha. Just kidding guys, you’re nice. Well, revenge in debate is not revenge in the real world.

After that, hmm. Top of the 1VP-ers. Next opponent…WSDC (World School Debating Championship) A. Dennys, Grace, and Dimas. Impromptu motion. Nyaahaa. THW Give Quota For Ethnic Minorities in Parliament. Halah. I didn’t even know the issue, Marini hadn’t read much about Malaysia although it was her job, and Ega tried to be calm but still frantic.

I had the WORST casebuild ever in my life! Ega couldn’t concentrate, and couldn’t ‘stimulate’ me and Marini to think as usual. Marini tried to bring this case to Malaysia but then again no further explanation. After a bit this and that (freaking Opera Mini!) we decided to bring the case to UNITED KINGDOM. Okay, it was a TOTAL DISASTER. Blah. In addition to all of this, I didn’t have the same perception as Ega. I thought it was A, and when I delivered A in my speech, Ega blamed me because she and Marini had been thinking about B. Sh*t! I was always synchronized each other with my teammates! Hell!

While remembering every little oath that I took about “no crying thingy”, I tried to be strong. Hmm, personally I think maybe I can beat them…in some better occasions (not to mention I had my worst there). But who knows…

Yeah…as predicted, lost. Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh. Lost with 4 margin. Ended up the day with some curses BUT not tears. Tried to be strong. When we got home we promised to do our best the next day. Coz what else could we do? We HAD TO win. Cleansweep for the next day!

*btw, ITB A lost twice too that day. ITB B had a blaze of glory.

Sunday, April 20, 2008
Yeah well. WE COULD NOT LOSE. NO WAY WE COULD LOSE.
We really had a BIG pressure…well if we lost just once that day, we couldn’t go to the next round. We couldn’t break, and WE DIDN’T WANT THAT.

Again, top of the 1-VP-ers. First opponent, SMAK 3 BPK Penabur Jakarta B. Their first speaker’s face was so like me in many ways (but I have to say that I’m pretty much sweeter, ahahah. At least I’m friendly to new people, she wasn’t). THBT Wikipedia Should Weed Out Trivial Entries. We were…negative. Yeah! Why the hell should Wikipedia weed out trivial entries, heh? The definition brought up by that so-called “my twin sister” was really funny. Trivial entries: something that should not be in encyclopedia, because what should be in encyclopedia is only SCIENTIFICAL RESEARCH THAT HAS BEEN PROVEN SCIENTIFICALLY. Hey, even scientists themselves have different opinion and we can’t be sure where the truth is!

Well, we took that definition to our advantage, of course. Asking continously about “the limitation of right and wrong” made everything good for us. Won with 4 point something margins, and the best speaker(s) were THE THREE OF US. HAHAHA. The most memorable part of the debate, well: Debating about whether or not NARUTO is in wikipedia! Ahahaha! Hey FYI, I saved every little thing about Naruto that I found in Wikipedia. Even I knew that Itachi died in Sasuke’s hands because of Wikipedia! HUAHAHA.

Nah, this is the toughest part. After smiled and laughed because of the existence of Naruto in a “scientifically proven encyclopedia”, now we really had to win.

Once again, we were the top of the 2-VP-ers (always became the top of the losers, eh?). Had to face…SMAN 1 Depok. Somebody said that the third speaker was bitchy. Ah, I thought, he couldn’t’ve been bitchier than Dimas, rite? Ahahah, I’m used to weird species, don’t worry (sorry Dimas, this is not intended to mock you. Eheheh).

Well, the motion was THW Disarm Its Citizens. Ah, I remembered the first time Uphie came to SMA 3 and began coaching…trial version it was…that beautiful (hehehe sorry) skinny man with green shirt, tried to make us understand about THW Abolish The Constitutional Right To Bear Arms and he said it was one of AUDC’s motion…

Enough flashbacking. Huhu, how nice he was when he began coaching. No heartless at all. But as time went by… T_T

So thanks to “The Holy Bible” of Pros and Cons: A Debater’s Handbook and digging up the old memories about Uphie, we successfully brought the case to USA and the negative seemed didn’t expect us to bring it to USA. But they were good. Eventually we beat them in the end, and, waow.

The atmosphere of Auditorium Djokosoetomo was quite unfriendly. Everybody was waiting for their names to be displayed on the big screen as the Octofinalists. I was quite confident that my team would be one, coz even if we had only 3 VPs but our team score was high. At the end of the day, yes, we launched to Octofinal! With THE HIGHEST TEAM SCORE OF ALL! HOORAY!

That’s all for Part 1. Next will be the 2nd part: Knock-Out Rounds. ^_^

As usual, talking about feelings again…hmph…seems there’s nothing “interesting” in my love life other than broken heart.

Kenapa ya, gw tu suka salah menilai orang. Tadinya gw pikir si A anak baik2, eh taunya jahat abis. Tadinya gw pikir si B orang gila, taunya enak banget diajak ngomong. Man…prediksi gw melenceng mulu sii…

Akhir2 ini gw lagi suka dengerin lagu “Eyes On Me” ama “When There Was Me and You”. Kayak org desperate aja…emang juga sih.

Terutama When There Was Me and You tu. Baca deh liriknya:

It’s funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I’m standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don’t really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I’m not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I’m only left with used-to-be’s
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don’t come true
Cause now even I tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can’t believe that
I could be so blind
It’s like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn’t mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

huhu…gue banget…

sori ya tulisannya ga penting. nulisnya tengah malem si. yang jelas gw lagi hopeless ama seorang cowo yang padahal dulu bisa gw dapetin.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

A child who has a little piece of understanding

Just
several hours ago (about

9:30

) my best-buddy called me. As usual.
Since we came to that place and since we had everything with them, the
intensity of phone call between us has been raising rapidly, and almost
everyday we call each other. Most of these phone calls were intended to talk
about THAT matter.

When
she phoned me at that time, she said something that really pierced me to the
heart.

“Catatan
tgl 26 Desember” is just one of a thousand.

I
finally understood something.

An
answer to all my doubt.

A
message that every of them tries to send is : “Be more mature”.

Is
the definition of “adult” made by 15-16 year-old girls different from 17-19’s
definition?

YES.

Entering
their world means that I have to act like an adult. If I tell myself not to be
childish, then I shouldn’t be a child.

I
thought, crying because I’m a loser
or cursing somebody who has made you a loser while you yourself don’t feel it
that way is a normal thing to do.
But it’s in a perspective of this child. And her friends. When I told my
friends of my age about this, they felt the same. They told me what I
WANTED to hear, not what I SHOULD’ve heard.

When
those “adults” saw me acting this way, of course, they said this, “OK. So she’s
still a child. I expect you to be more mature but I don’t get what I expect,
and I’m disappointed in you”. I know that was what in their minds. I know just
by looking at their face. I know just by seeing their eyes when I acted
childishly.

Ok.
I’m still an emotional child who have just entered the world of adults who
expect me to be an adult. Some of them concealed their disappointment. Some of
them not. One of them told me directly. And he successfully made me understand.

The
distance between us cannot be erased. We’re losers in different way, that’s
what they tried to say. I know it’s something right. But I just hate the way it
should be (being childish AGAIN).

They
are losers. Me and my buddy are losers. But they enjoy their defeat and face
the new days ahead with a new spirit. Their defeat becomes their motivation.

I
justify what I’ve done by saying this to myself : “I’ve always lost in a debate
competition although I’ve tried so hard, why should I be patient and be a good
girl when I lost because of other people make me lost?”

But
then it strikes me : they must’ve competed in thousands of competitions and
suffered defeat more than the numbers I have, why can’t I smile like them?

I’ve
fallen in love with this world of debating, I can’t hate it although it’s harsh
and has dumped me many times, more than everything in this world. I just can’t
get back to my old life and enjoying my life being a good-school-girl without
looking to the outside world. Every high school debater that I befriended of
said this, “Debate has changed my life”. Yeah, I feel the same. I’m still a low
class debater, but I’ve long dumped this ‘inferiority syndrome’ because many
people gave me motivation, including those people I respect at ITB.

Well,
being a child who tries to engage with adults, maybe is not a hard thing
to do, now that I’ve understood a little piece of understanding. I just have to
transform myself to a “woman”, make it hard for myself to say “I surrender”.
Make it hard for even have a single tear of a loser. Cheer myself up with hope
(I hate this word hope. I’ve been hoping too many times in my life and none of
them turns out to be real>childish mode on). Determine my goal and try to
achieve it, no matter how hard it will be.

After
I’ve understood, I REALLY wanted to cry, but I erased that single tear. What’s
the point of saying I understand if I still cry.

I
have this body of my own, I have this brain to think about something fairly.
I’m not brainless but I’m brainless if I say somebody’s brainless, isn’t it
right?

Question
: Can I do this “resolution”?

February
10, 2008

A hell lots of fun

Today’s
Sunday and I’ve just finished the ALSA UNPAD competition. How’s the result? Oh
no, don’t talk about that, the result was disappointing.

In
this competition, we (me and Ega) were really really becoming “the 2^nd
ITB”. After High School Debate, we always “assisted” ITB in every match. Until
the committee was a bit disturbed I think.

The
main problem is about “outsider-ness”. Me and Ega still feel that we are
outsider (well, that’s true) and that we shouldn’t be “too close” to ITB and
becoming “the 2^nd ITB” because actually we ARE high school students
and (not yet) ITB students.

But
when we told this matter to Bana and Pandu after the competition (when
everybody else were heading to NAV Ciwalk), guess what their responses were?

Pandu
said he was going to rape us these virgin girls if we talked about how we were
truly outsiders and how we wouldn’t be able to go to karaoke despite the fact
that we really wanted to.

Hoho.
“RAPE”???

Bana
told us not to be childish and encouraged us to be just confident and respect
ITB students just as they respect us. Woow. Really really lifted us up rather
than trying to rape us (sorry, Pandu). XD

During
the competitions, me and Ega were really having fun with ITB students, and it
was sure a hell lots of fun to ease our HUGE disappointment, about *piip*
adjudicators, about shame-shame and super-emotional committee, about
ridiculously ridiculous arguments from our “HONOURABLE” opponent, SMAN
"sekian sekian", that were truly rubbish but counted by THE DEVIL
adj, and our nice-beautiful arguments that WERE NOT counted by that worm-brain
adj.

Haha.
I need a whole day to talk about this adj (these adjs, actually) but since I’m
not going to add sin, so let’s skip this part.

We
were –suddenly- *sok deket* with ITB students (although I’ve mentioned before
that they didn’t think it that way. Haha. Let’s think positively!) and getting
crazy with them, gossiping with Canisius students and also getting crazy with debaters
from UNPAR (especially Erry with his Orthianity thingy and “my belief” and
“several types of girls” : perkosa-able, pacaran-able, and so on, and Christy’s
“fat power” that Ogeb mentioned. Geez,

ur

truly *insane* guys! But that was really
fun).

After
everything ends, suddenly we found ourselves cheering for ITB C as the winner
of Varsity debate (you go, guys!) and Elfa as the best speaker. After that me
and Ega had a hot debate about whether or not we should join them to karaoke
since Uphie didn’t state to us clearly if we were allowed to join. So we waited
for the rain to end, and watched bitterly when Uphie went out without saying
anything.

Me
and Ega decided to karaokeing by ourselves but somehow we felt it was absurd
and then we went back to a group of people consists of BPK 1 and Canisius
teams. Talked about this and that for a while, parting and congratulating BPK
(see? They are 2^nd winner!)

Me
and Ega turned around after *bye-bye* with BPK and suddenly found Pandu and
Bana there! How come? Thought they had gone to NAV Ciwalk! And there was also
Sume with us. Back to that part about “But when we told this matter to Bana and
Pandu after the competition…” (read the previous section), and after that we
decided to go to NAV Ciwalk, whatever complications and side effect may occur
(including my undone homework up until now).

Shortly,
there we were, at NAV Ciwalk. Room 7, 10 persons from left to right facing the
TV (hoho…so detail) : Pandu, Fafa, Karmen, Uphie, Elfa, Bana, Sume, Ega, Me,
Bedu (from??? I forget!). Me and Ega’s real intention was to hear Pandu singing
before he rapes us. Hoho. Jzt kidding. Erase the rape part.

We
had real laughs, it was totally fun, and oh yeah, Pandu makes everything
hyperbolic. Me and Ega FINALLY succeeded to sing IN FRONT OF OUR BEAUTIFUL
COACH with his beautiful voice! Wooohooo!! Hate That I Love You was sung by us
BADLY (of course! The important part was the fun!). And we also “participated”
in several songs (every of us, actually).

Me
and Ega wanted to sing Big Big World like what we always do, but then I don’t
know how, it was me and Pandu who sang it. You know what, the hotly kissing
section was dangerous. TAKUUUTTT!!!! Luckily I was far from him (sorry, sorry
Pandu!! Haha. don’t take it personally). And Ega got our most favourite part
“outside is now raining and tears are falling from my eyes, why did it have to
happen”. Actually, me and Ega didn’t expect him to know about this song. It’s
supposed to be the oldies-lover Uphie, rite?

Another
song we sang was “In The End” from

Linkin

Park

. Oh, before In The End I also sang Because
of You (Kelly Clarkson) with Fafa. Me and Ega sang it, also with the rapping
part. Elfa said we were good in rapping, and Sume said “that’s why they speak
fast in a debate”. Laugh out loud. ^_^

After
In The End, everything’s at an end. We had to go home, our moms were furious,
and now

23:58

I still haven’t finished my homework. I’m
gonna sleep now I don’t care, hopefully I can wake myself up 2 or 3 hours later
and do my homeworks. Uuuuuhhhh.

My
special thanks to SEF ITB members, all of you. The adjs : Uphie, Masyhur (our
Mama and Papa), Nanda. ITB A : Pandu, Gilang, Nogi. ITB B : Eling, Emy, Nick.
ITB C : Elfa, Bana, Safir (congratz for the winning guys and thanks for
treating us to karaoke).

Hopefully
this happiness never ends. =)

I’m
so lucky knowing u all guys. Thanks for cheering us (me and my team) up.

…………….

…………….

…………….

Rabu, 26 Desember 2007

    Well, Cuma mau ngeluh lagi…apalagi kalo bukan gara2  ke-dumb-an  aku si dummy ini.

    Yaaahhhh…tadi
BP (British Parliamentary). Gw biasa ama Ega, and we were shame2ing ourselves
again I dunno for how many times, maybe for the 1000^th time….

 Tau
gak sih, before Phyxius, well, I congratulate myself because I think I had a
rapid growth before and during Phyxius. But after Phyxius, especially after ULUM, when I had practices with ITB Students and ??? I was shame2ing myself in
front of them! After facing them,,,well, the debate was poor, no matter how
they saw it. And I just feel that, after all this time, coming to ITB and
having practices with those “MASTERS” (like what Pandu always says) bring more
harm than good.

 When
me and Ega told our problem to Pandu about this, well, I
have to say that he made me feel worse…

 Although
he (Pandu) stated several times that we shouldn’t stop our visits to ITB, and
he also said that we weren’t dumb people,,,but I just didn’t feel it that way.
And I don’t.

 Because
at the same time, I realize something that THEY JUST NEED MORE
PEOPLE TO PRACTICE WITH, NO MATTER THE PEOPLE ARE DUMB AND KNOW NOTHING, NO
MATTER THE PEOPLE ARE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS OR UNIVERSITY STUDENTS OR JUST
PEOPLE WHO CAN SPEAK ENGLISH…OR JUST WEIRD SPECIES LIKE US…

 Okay,
that sounds hyperbolic and too-negative thinking. But it’s not absolutely
false. It’s not absolutely true, either. But…

 The
point is, the more I think about what he said to us, the more I think that it’s
all useless: keep hoping to beat the Masters and keep building spirit to
accomplish it. I would never be a world level debater like my dream, maybe I’m
10 grades lower than them whom I had practices with…because I AM DUMB…

 But
what can I do now? I’ve fallen in love with that campus, the fresh air and
green view, and I liked debating with those people, although I was really
shame, lame, whatever…and almost after every debate I wanted to cry for sure…seems
childish…putting a fake smile on my face and saying stupid lie, “I’m OK…”.

 I
can’t pretend that I’m alright.

 Especially
when Pandu said that BIG ASS IS BETTER THAN US (Me and Ega). Well…imagine how “my heart broke” when I heard that! I tried to be ‘innocent’
and I seemed didn’t understand what he said, although I COMPLETELY KNEW what
that meant…

 The
thought of being a dummy haunts me everytime. I used to think, arrogantly,
egoistically –maybe-, proudly, that I was smart. I used to think that nobody
was better than me, especially when it comes to English, whether it was at school
or everyday life. I used to think that I had excellent English skills.

 But
now? It hurts to strike out your own egoism, to fall from your queen’s chair
and to give up your crown as an act of surrender.

 I
curse myself for being stupid. I curse myself for being too stupid to face the
people who respect me; the people who trust in me, trust that I would do
better; the people who spent their time to have practices with dummies like me and Ega, even
before they’re gone to World Championship, where they’d meet great debaters and
that they deserved to have a better sparring partner; the people of whom I had
an obsession to beat; the people who encouraged me to come to their place to
improve my skill…

 And
I’ve failed.

 “Big Ass is better than me”, well, everything’s at an end. And the
debate several hours ago successfully proved that I have to confess that I am
not better than Big Ass.

  Well,
just a nonsense writing…just don’t ask…

Wah! Fisika emang bisa bikin badan seger! Haha…seger ti mana euy. Seger ti hongkong.

Dukh…pengen cepet2 selesai ulum!!!

After All This Time…Simon Webbe’s song???

Yeah, but here I don’t wanna write about songs…I just wanna write about what happened to me recently…

Hmm…1 week ago…me (and my friends, my team) were supposed to be a winner in Phyxius English Debate Championship 2007 (supposed to be? haha…dreaming is FREE, right???). But somehow, I found myself lying on my bed, crying, and realizing that we LOST.

We lost sadly, from a team that, actually, was able to be defeated. And I cursed myself for being a loser. I got thousands of SMS from EGALITA IRFAN, my dear 3rd speaker (actually she’s my best 2nd, but yeah…our coach has “bersabda” to us that Ega was better to be 3rd). She felt, and is feeling, and feels (which tense is right???) the same with me.

Yea, after all this time, after all our sacrifice, n now I’m feeling dumped, by who? By everybody. Mother blames me and she said she wouldn’t let me to do debate again. Because I was sick!!! And I’m sick now, still…not sick of debate, but really sick (COUGH, FLU, and “RADANG TENGGOROK”…what’s that called??).
Yeah, actually (how many times I wrote actually?) my body’s not very strong,,so I’m easy to be sick…
and this is not only about physical sickness, but also…heart sickness?? HEH?? Yahhh…you know what I mean.

Teachers at school (whom I chased because of “ULANGAN SUSULAN”….huaaahhhh I’m a bit sleepy so I think I can’t write English perfectly right now…) always asked “Did you win?” >> “Meunang teu???” and I always answered no, with a bitter face. And some of them said >> Indonesian mode on >> “Yah geus cape2 dispen saminggueun, jadi sakit, eleh (kalah) pula, tuh badan kamu panas, sanggup gitu ikut ulangan susulan?”

Hahhhhhh….actually (again) I jzt wanna cry for sure if somebody said that…

The core is (Intinya mah…):

1. I have to get up, but I’m still sleepy (metaphoric one!)
2. I have to SMILE, but I’m still dizzy
3. I have to face up the new days ahead, (the general exams ahead…hehhhe) but this sickness still isn’t curable.
4. I have to convince mum to permit me to do debate again, but HOW??? is it FEASIBLE???

Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………………………………..gitu deh (Indonesian mode on)

Still can’t get over it…for sure…

He’s been gone from my mind just for some couple of weeks…
But then, just about several hours ago and an hour ago he completely came back to my mind and heart where he was always there…
This morning I glanced at him and mine met his eyes and I was flying for several seconds b4 I couldn’t see him anymore because I was afraid he’d come back.
But about an hour ago I saw him riding his motorbike and, gosh, I couldn’t lie 2 myself! He was so cool. And he’s always gonna be the coolest boy I’ve ever known…

So I started humming several words about dream…trying to make a song…
I stepped to an angkot and while I was in angkot I always thought about his face…his eyes…his everything…

I almost cried when I fell down to the earth…realizing that he’d never be mine and regretting why I let my heart slipped so fast from my grip just bcoz I saw him and met his eyes???

I’m nothing but something in his presence,,,not more…

I’m nothing but dust in his feeling…

I’m nothing, nothing…

Why can’t I let him go,,,I’ve been trying so hard, I’ve tried so hard, I’m trying so hard to forget him.
I really want to say I HATE HIM someday…but what I said was just I HATE HIM…WITH EVERY LOVE IN MY HEART…

What I’ve done is just telling every of my friends that I really hate him. What I’ve done is writing some nonsense writing. What I’ve done is writing poems about broken heart. What I’ve done is just hoping for an illusion…

I’m nothing.

But he’s my everything.